Heavenly Sacrilege

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Heavenly SacrilegeHeavenly Sacrilege”Thanks, Lucifer!”I cheered as I gawped at the huge ornately-decorated chest that the big sexy fallen angel had presented to me.”You’re welcome.”I felt him smile at me.”I don’t know why, but this chest looks familiar to me…?”I pondered on it’s unique shape and gold-covered form.”It’s the .”He informed me.”Oh? …Why do you have it?”I quizzed.”I bought it from a garage sale. Mrs. Moses decided it didn’t look right with the awful wallpaper they put up in their living room, so I decided to take it off their hands for them.”He explained.”Must have cost you a pretty penny.”I ran my finger over the gold wings of one of the angel statues on it.”Well like any good Jew, Moses did drive a very hard bargain, but I was reasonably pleased with the deal. Anyway, enough jaw-aching already, your real present is inside it! Open it up already so you can see what I had my pretty devils make just for you!”He grinned excitedly.I somewhat hesitatingly lifted the very heavy lid of the chest up, and I suddenly heard this distinct-sounding musical tune play out all around me. The sound made me feel very rewarded. Then it suddenly stopped, as a flash of golden light shot out from the chest into my eyes. For a moment, I was blinded… And then I saw.Inside the chest sat two small pyramid-shaped pieces of pointed-tipped gold, which laid neatly on top of a bigger triangle-shaped plate of gold.”Y-you got me some gold?”I turned to look at Lucifer in confusion.”It’s armour!”He grinned at me. He was honestly more excited about giving me the gift than I was with receiving it.”Armour?”I looked back inside the chest, and reached a hand in to pick up the gold pieces. As I pulled them out, I noticed threads of black leather string loosely hanging from the gold, attached to them through small threaded holes at the sides of the three pieces.I took a moment to place the small gold pieces to my chest, and then held the bigger triangle plate to my crotch.”But… Where’s the rest of it?”I turned to look at him in more confusion. The excited expression on his handsome face quickly fell into a frown.”N-not that I’m not grateful for it! I mean, I’ve never been given such… Beautiful gold before. I’m just confused by the, um, armour aspect of it, is all…?””Oh come now, my dear, everybody knows that the only vulnerable part of a woman in battle are her nipples and vagina. Everywhere else on your delectable feminine frame is impenetrable to weapons, both blunt and sharp,”He explained as he took the teeny tiny gold armour pieces from out of my hands and walked behind me,”…It could be argued that maybe a woman’s bumhole is a vulnerable area too, but I know you’re not the retreating kind, so there’s really no need to protect your back.”He continued to so helpfully explain as he tied the threads of leather around my body, dressing my nipples and crotch in the shiny gold armour for me.”Now that’s an ready to lead her army of redness to grand victory.”He stood back and declared while he eyed me up and down in my very skimpy, barely-covering-anything-at-all shiny gold battle armour.”What about my weapon? Do you expect me to fight our enemy just by throwing insults at Him?”I smirked.”Look in the chest.”He smiled.I peered back into the , and saw a pair of golden-coated sai now resting on a lush pillow inside it. The sai had a very sharp pointed blade to them. The blade was almost blinding to look at it, as the metal was so shiny in a bright white colour.”Hmm… Yes… These will do nicely.”I murmured to myself as I picked up and studied the deadly weapons. Lucifer stepped back to let me practise with them, fighting off imaginary enemies.”Rest well, my love, for you lead the charge tomorrow.”He gently took the sai from me, and began to lead me towards my huge beautifully-decorated bedroom.”I think rest is the last thing you’re going to let me do tonight.”I giggled seductively as we approached my huge comfortable king-sized bed. Some of the mewing little cute cuddly kittens jumped off the bed, as he threw me down onto it. A bunch more kittens were purring softly as they helped themselves to nibbling on the plentifully endless bounty of indulgent dessert food that was on serving trolleys by the side of the huge luxurious bedroom.We made glorious, hard, powerful, soaking wet and sticky sweet love all night long…The following day, out in a large endless dry valley, I stood out in front of a billion-strong army of armour-glad beautiful-looking devils. The sights of their red skin, horns, and black-leather armour, seemed to stretch on like an endless sea. Lucifer placed a hand of support onto my shoulder.”This is your army to lead, my love. Every last one of them will hear you. They all hear what I hear, so just address your message to me.”He smiled at me, before he walked out in front of me, joining the first row of the impossibly-big army, and turned around to stand facing me. I cleared my throat, took a deep breath, and stuck my gold-plated nipples out with my chest with my head held high.”My devils! My glorious devils! My beautiful devils!”I addressed my billion warriors.”Behold! For I reckon that the day of reckoning is upon us, I reckon! I will march right into Heaven, and lay waste to that evil, vile, piece of shit who sits upon his cloud like a paper-king who sits upon a broken throne of lies and misery!”I declared.”I won’t stop until I’ve exposed every last bit of that cruel lie called heaven, and the evil rotten liar who rules that place like the sick, deluded, weak-spined dictator that He is! …But I can’t do it alone… So I ask you – ask you, not demand or order you against your will to blindly follow me without question, I ask you – who here will march with me?”I paused as I looked upon the sea of gorgeous, red, demon-horned faces. …A small ripple of a cheer started up and slowly built.”Who here is feeling nervous?”I asked, as I stepped forward to the front line,”You. Are you nervous?”I pointed to one of the devils.”No!”He yelled.”Are you?”I moved to the next demon to ask.”No!”She puffed her tits out as she answered defiantly.”How about you?”I asked the next one along.”No! …A little.”He grinned sheepishly.”Good! Some courageous honesty!”I grinned.”It’s good to feel nervous. It shows you care. Good man!”I patted his shoulder in reassurance, and stepped back into my previous address position.”I hope every last one of you feels nervous. I hope the wings of those butterflies in the pits of your stomachs are buzzing loudly. I hope your knees feel so heavy that you can barely stand… So I ask again, who’s nervous?!”A much louder cheer washed over my army.”Good! Good!”I cheered at the sound with a big grin,”I can’t promise any of you an easy battle ahead. I can’t bahis firmaları promise that any of you will live a long and happy existence. Nor can I promise any of you an easy death. But I can look each and every one of you in the eye, and promise you all this: if you choose to march with me, your nerves will turn to cold hard steel, your butterflies will turn into roaring lions, and your once weak knees will become strong enough to kick a mountain into the sun! And if the cruel roll of fate’s dice decides it’s your turn to die, then I promise you will greet your death with a hearty smile and a heartier hug as you bravely die a glorious warrior’s death, knowing your epic feats in battle will have your name forever sung on the tongues of heroes both past and future, and who will all bow before your very soul in recognition that they are bowing before greatness itself!”I could see it in all of their eyes that their hearts were growing bolder before me.”So I ask again, who will march me with?!!”I raised one of my sai above my head.A deafening roar swelled over all of Hell itself in reply, as every one of the billion demon warriors raised their swords.”Then let us march!”I turned my back.”Come, my devils! Let us march onward! To glory! To victory!”The roar continued as I started roaring with them, and off we all roared forward.After a while of running aimlessly, Lucifer caught up behind me.”Um, my love?”He beckoned my attention as we ran.”Yes, Lu?”I returned.”You do know the way to Heaven, don’t you?”He questioned.”…Now that you mention it. Which way is it?”I bit my lip as I started to slow my pace down.”That way.”He pointed towards an open, endless, dry and lifeless valley, with the only distinct feature in it’s dry desolate landscape being an impossibly large golden staircase bathed in golden light, in the distance of it.”Lucy, why is the stairway to heaven in Hell?”I stopped running to ask him, with my army also slowing down to a stop behind me.”God’s ego keeps a stairway here, as a mockery to me. As though He thinks I’m going to crawl up to Heaven on it and beg Him for His forgiveness. Pah!”He answered, and then spat bitterly onto the ground.”Ah… Geez, that’s a lot of stairs to climb.”I took a moment to appreciate just the sheer ginormous size and magnitude of the stairway.”…The elevator to heaven is quicker.”He nonchalantly told me as he pointed to a huge elevator shaft that stood beside a dry volcanic mountainside.”Then come, my army,”I looked at my army behind my shoulder as I raised a sai above my head again,”Let us take the elevator to Heaven, and rain down havoc upon it!”My army roared loyally to my call, and we all began running again towards the huge elevator.We roared as we entered it, and thankfully, due to some divine magic, all one billion and two of us was able to fit into the elevator reasonably comfortably. We kept roaring as the doors slid shut, and then we all instantly stopped roaring as we stood and waited patiently inside of it. We waited. And waited…”…Um, allow me.”Lucifer awkwardly reached across me to push a button on the panel beside the door, to start the lift travelling upwards.A tinny-sounding instrumental musak version of “” played around us as we rode silently upwards.Finally, as soon as the lift stopped moving and the doors opened, we all instantly began roaring again as we charged out of it. And then stopped running again as we reached the Pearly Gates, which were actually made of gold, not pearls, but still, false advertising was the least of my concerns.”Yes?”A bored-looking, bald-headed, grey bearded man behind a podium in front of the gate asked as he looked up at me from behind his glasses and clipboard.”Uhh… We’re here to tear Heaven down.”I responded to him.”Your name?”He asked dully, as he looked at his clipboard.”Um… .”I tried to peek at the sheet of paper attached to the clipboard.”Hmm,”He began trawling his fingertip over the sheet of paper,”Let’s see… Angel… Angel… Sorry, did you say your name is Angela Merkel?”He looked up at me again.”No! I am the Angel of War, I come from the pits of Hell with my Hellish army, to lay waste to this pitiful cruel place of lies and misery! With brutal untold violence, cruelty and torturous pain, if I so have to!”I yelled defiantly, as some of my army also roared behind me.”Oh, yes, my mistake, you’re clearly far too nice of a woman to be Angela Merkel.”He weirdly complimented me as he tapped the tip of his quill against the sheet,”Sorry, I can’t see your name anywhere. If you want, I can book you in for an appointment to see God. He has an opening available in, ooh… 96 lifetimes. Can I book you in for then?””Well, this is kind of an urgent matter of important business. Can I see Him now please?”I asked impatiently, while he sucked air doubtfully through his teeth in reply.”Yeah… No. Sorry, is far too busy right now. Please, try again in a couple lifetimes, but I can’t make any guarantees that he won’t be too busy then either.”The man explained, now nibbling on the tip of his quill.”Ugh, this is getting us nowhere!”I impatiently sighed.”Look,”I paused to read his little nametag on his robes,”Peter, please don’t take this personally, but,”I plunged the tip of of my sharp sai into his heart and pushed him aside as he fell to the cloud-covered floor,”You’re in my way.”I then booted the middle of the big shiny gold gates, and to my surprise, it swung opened easily.”Come, my army! Lay waste to this sorry land!”I called out as me and my army began to roar and charge into heaven with blades drawn.There was only a couple of souls in Heaven. A pair of old, grey, balding, pale-skinned men dressed in a very formal set of evening pyjamas.”I say, Reginald, look! A tart with gold nipples!”One gasped.”How uncouth! A woman in heaven?! I say!”The other gasped.”They’ll let anyone in these days! I tell you, old chap, this place has gone right downhill since The Grand Master Who’s The Most Awesome at Any and Everything Ever decided to let that little whore Mary become a saint just for doing her woman’s job of opening her legs and taking a male’s seed to produce and birth a bastard.”The old man remarked.”Don’t look now, Percival, but she’s bringing a bunch of coloureds in with her!”Reginald gasped.”I say! Which colour? Black, brown, or, God-forbid, darker brown?”Percival asked.”Red!”He answered.”I say! That’s almost as bad as purple!”Percival gasped, almost knocking the monocle from the clutch of his eye.”Hm, quite.”Reg nodded in agreement as he took a puff from his pipe.”Quite.”Percy concurred and took a puff on his own pipe.”Out of my way, you old farts!”I yelled as I pushed past them. I stopped, turned back around to face them, stabbed them both through the temple kaçak iddaa of their wrinkled old heads, and turned around again to carry on my path of destruction forwards into the middle of heaven.”I say, old bean, it appears we’ve been stabbed in the brain.”Reg noted as they lay on top of the clouds with brain matter oozing out of the hole in his skull.”Indeed, I rather fear we have. Isn’t it peculiar how we can die here in heaven even though we’ve already died in life?”Percy asked.”Hm, yes. Quite peculiar.”Reg concurred and closed his eyes to take his final breath.Eventually, an army of sword-wielding angels flew onto the battlefield. The blades of their swords were alight with fire.”This is not your concern!”I yelled to them.”Lay down your weapons, you mindless slaves, and we’ll leave you be. Fight us, and we’ll show you no mercy!””We are no slaves! We follow no one’s orders! Especially not orders from a little Hell-Bitch like you!”One of the lead angels defied,”Come, my fellow naval-less beings, let’s kill them all! Just like we were ordered by God to do! And whose command we cannot ever defy or disagree with!”The angels yelled and charged at us, and we charged right back towards them.The battle that followed was a long, bloody, and epic one, with some totally awesome wire-work in slow-motion, and lots of fire, and couple cool explosions thrown in for good measure. The fighting raged on ceaselessly for what felt like an age. Even when a bunch of the angels started camping out and spawn-killing, we still never gave an inch to them. We fought hard, and eventually, the tide of battle moved into our favour.”Where’s your God now?”I mocked as I pressed the sole of my foot down onto an angel’s face as it lay on the blood-soaked fluffy cloud-covered floor.”Please! Oh God, don’t kill me, please! Oh God, save me!”It begged in terror beneath my foot.”I’m your God now! Beg to me!”I sneered a devilish grin at it as I stabbed my sai gorily through it’s eyeball.”You are no God!”A booming voice roared like thunder over the battlefield.I looked up and saw a giant foot stomp down onto the blood-soaked clouds, as incredibly intense bassy music started playing all around.”Ah, boss music. About time you showed up to die!”I declared with a bloodlust grin as I wiped the blood off my sai blades against the skin of my thigh.”How dare you call yourself a god! There is only one God – me! I am the best God. I kick all the other god’s asses, anytime, any place!”The voice boomed.”The only god-ass getting kicked will be yours, bitch!”I yelled and ran roaring towards the giant foot.”Ha ha ha ha! I can kick your puny little ass anytime, slut. I’m like, the best at kicking asses. I have a blackbelt in kung-fu, my uncle teaches karate and he taught me kung-fu, and I totally mastered it in like only 2 months. I was the best student in his class. I mean, I taught him really. In fact, I was the teacher of the karate class because I’m so awesome at karate! And besides, I once kicked this other little bitch’s ass who tried to overthrow Heaven once. Honestly, no lie, even though this dude was like way taller and stronger than me. Well, he was only bigger and stronger than me because I allowed him to be, because I am God! No one is more stronger or bigger than me! I can do anything I want, and I’m like, just the best at everything, so I needed a challenge, but no challenge is too great for me! Because I am God! The greatest ever! I kick all the ass! Anyone who says I can’t kick ass is a lying pussy faggot bitch, and I’ll fucking no-scope their dick off! Because I am God! I am the most awesome ever!”The voice prattled on and on as I charged towards it.The giant foot was so large, that when I was stood right in front of the big toe, I was like but an ant to an adult’s toe.It was almost breathtaking just because of the sheer size-difference. Also, the cheesy smell was pretty suffocating too. But the far worst smell of death lingered too strongly over the battlefield for it to concern me.With a mighty yell, I plunged both my sai into the flesh of the giant big toe, and began climbing up it like a mountaineer with a pair of pickaxes. Each stab into the flesh, I roared a determined teeth-gritted yell, as a river of blood ran down from the prick holes caused from my climbing.It took many hours for me to ascend like that up the foot and leg, and then up the waist, the stomach, the chest. Eventually I made it to the neck of God, and slashed and sliced the sai right at His jugular.”Ow! That kind of hurts! I mean, not really. Nothing hurts me! I am too awesome to feel pain!”The booming voice roared as He plucked me off of him and held me between His giant thumb and finger. He held me up to his face to get a better look at me, and vice versa.I was shocked by what a saw. God was no old white man with a big long white beard and long white hair. He had short, messy, thinning ginger hair that looked very greasy, and some wiry bumfluff over his top lip. And he was covered in millions of leaking zits.He was just a spotty, greasy, teenage boy!”Ha ha ha! I am God! The greatest ever! I rule all! And when I squash you like a bug, everyone will see how awesome I am!”He taunted.”Hey, doofus! You’re touching one of my fully developed tits!”I yelled at Him.”Argh! Adult woman’s tits!”He squealed in repulsed terror and dropped me in horror. Luckily the momentum of His hand made me fly towards His neck again.I dug my sai right into His jugular, stopping myself from falling off His neck as I ripped a long cut into Him. I then crawled inside the wound, and continued to tear at His flesh until I caused a nasty jagged wound, big enough to cause Him to start bleeding heavily.He wiped His neck with His hand, giving me the chance to stab my sai into His finger. He moved His hand away from His neck and up to His eyes.”Am I – is that – my blood?”He questioned, as I dangled from His blood-smeared fingertip, and I witnessed the colour drain from His face. His eyes rolled into the back of his head, and He came crashing down in a mighty faint.I dropped from His falling hand onto His face, and climbed my way onto the bridge of His nose. I sat myself down onto the tip of His nose, and waited for Him to open His eyes again. He groaned wearily as He came to.”W-wha..?”He murmured.”I’m not a little bitch who kills someone in their sleep. But now that you’re awake?”I sneered sadistically and threw one of my sai into His eye.”Ow!”He closed His eye in a squint, and began to rub His eye with His fingertip.”Why are you so mean to me?! Why do you want to hurt me so much?!”He whined like a little bitch as he rubbed His eye, and blinked it a bunch of times.”Because you’re an evil asshole with a severe egotistical superiority complex! Because kaçak bahis you cause so much suffering to humans! Because you kill babies and children in the most horrific of ways possible! Because you allow evil to exist and do nothing to stop it or punish it! Because you sit by watching and twiddling your thumbs while innocent lives are raped and abused! Because you let the most horrific and vile of acts and persecutions occur in your name without intervention! You want me to go on? Because I have a whole bunch of justifiable reasons as to why you deserve to be condemned to the same pain and suffering that you cause people!”I vented angrily at him.”Why blame all of that on me for? How can you blame me for any of the evil that you humans do? How can you blame me for any of the misfortunes that happens to you humans?”He asked, perplexed.”Because aren’t you ? ?”I asked him in a very mocking tone of voice.”Yes! ..I mean… Sometimes…”He nervously shifted his eyes from side to side.”Hmm… Only sometimes?”I narrowed my eyes at him.”I-I-I mean – I am God! The greatest ever!”He declared smugly.”So are you the same God who claims to be omnipotent?”I asked.”Hey, I have no trouble keeping it up! Just ask your mum! I can fuck her in the ass all night without ever losing it!”He sneered.”Omnipotent means you can do literally anything, idiot.”I sighed to correct him.”Oh, er, I mean – duh! I knew that! Of course I did! I am God, I know everything! My IQ is like, so high, there’s no number for it. The smartest minds ever tested my IQ and told me I’m way smarter than all of them put together.”He boasted,”So of course I’m omnipotent! I can do anything! Even impossible things are super easy for me to do!””OK, and would you say you’re omniscient, also? That means you know literally everything, including all past, present, and future knowledge.”I asked and helpfully explained.”Duh, you dumb bitch. Of course I am!”He scoffed.”Tell me; is God everything in life, and is everything in life God?”I continued my line of questioning.”Duh! Where was you schooled? ? Of course I am everything! I am the best ever! Everything has my name on it, for even just my name is so super fucking awesome that it makes everything a million times better just by association to my glorious name!”He smugly stated.”In that case, you’re the reason everything is so shit! You’re the reason for all the pain and suffering that happens to humans, for pain and suffering has your name written all over it. You’re the cause of, the route of, the explanation to, and the reason behind everything bad and evil and vile that exists, and everything that happens. And yet you still demand blind faith, submission and loyalty from everybody to yourself?”I squinted at him.”Uh – well – um, I mean, it’s not that simple – life is, uh, a complex, uh…”He started stumbling over his words.”When a person dies a horrific death, and gets to stand before you in your judgement, do you demand that they beg forgiveness from you for their sins in their life? Just so that they can be granted the privilege of sitting by your side, in your company forever?”I questioned.”Well, uh, y’see, um… Of course they need to ask for my forgiveness because, um, well…”He continued to stutter and mumble.”Bullshit!”I interrupted him,”You should be on your knees, begging for OUR forgiveness for all the nasty and evil shit you put us through!””No, no, um, really I – but the thing is that – hmm, it’s really something that, um, because of…”He just couldn’t think of the right words to say.”Also, just who the fuck are you to judge anybody? After all of the shit you’ve pulled, you have no right to criticise or judge anybody else’s misgivings or failings.”I yelled.”Yeah but – y’see judging is really a matter of – I mean – I, um, personally think that, uh, you know, when you, um -“He guffed.”But let’s face it, that’s all only if any of your lies and bullshit about how powerful you are were actually true. But it’s not true. None of your bullshit has ever been true. Nor will it ever be true. It’s all just complete and utter nonsense. Every word that comes out of your lying mouth is really just a pathetic, whiny excuse for your complete and total impotence, incompetence, and insecurity. You’re not God. You’re not a god. You’re not all powerful. You’re just a pathetic failure, who masks his shortcomings – and believe me, they are so very short – by projecting a false image of strength onto the hearts and minds of those who are too weak to face the harsh reality that bad shit happens in life simply because life is just a random bullshit generator that’s heavily weighted in favour of the selfishly bad, while the good struggle to be good in a bad world.”By the time I’d finished my spiel, God had shrunken down to the size of a regular, average, spotty, greasy teenager.”But – y’see, really what it is is, um – there’s good and bad on both – th-th-there’s subtle nuances and -“He kept mumbling as he writhed on the ground beneath me like a bleeding worm that had been cut in half.”You’re just a fake facade built upon evil corruption and damaging lies, serving only yourself and your own corrupt greed. You are nothing but a cancerous tumour that needs removing.”I spat at him.”B-b-but I… W-when you look at the bigger picture… Really it’s more of a s-shared responsib-“He continued muttering as he writhed on the ground.”What’s going on? Is he…?”Lucifer asked me as he placed a hand onto my shoulder.”God’s dead,”I answered, before slicing the throat of the pathetic worm with my sai,”And I killed him.”All of the survivors of the battle suddenly ceased fighting, and sheathed their weapons. The angels just stared lifelessly towards their even more lifeless oppressor, like blank robots waiting for instruction. The demons tended each other’s wounds, and offered each other hugs of celebration, congratulations, and support.”Come…”Lucifer led me away from the scene, as the battleground fell to a complete eerie silence,”Let’s go back to Hell. An eternity of pleasure awaits you…”The end.Upon her victory, the travelled back to Hell with the survivors of her demon army, and had each and every one of them lined up and presented with a gold medal for their courageous endeavours on the battlefield, along with a very thankful and personal message of appreciation.When the very last demon out of the millions who had lined up, quipped to the , “I was kind of hoping the medal would be a brown star.”, it got the Angel thinking…”You’re quite right, a gold medal is not nearly a sufficient token of appreciation for your heroic deeds and courage,”She agreed,”But in lieu of a brown star, how about a pair of pink lips instead?”And with that, she made every one of the millions of demons line back up again, only this time, she bowed to her knees, and presented each and every one of them with her lips for a very special ” indeed!From that day forth, Hell truly did became a paradise of pleasure…The real end.

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